I’ve been sharing that I’m competing in bikini competition, now 5 weeks away. It’s effing terrifying for me to know that SHOWtime is approaching so rapidly. If you follow my blog you know that I was nearly 200 pounds. I’m doing this as a challenge not only for myself, but as an inspiration to others to prove that you can always do and be better.
I have to admit that the easiest part of this challenge has been in the gym, the most difficult part is getting out of my own head. The “Dirty Talk”, it’s not in a good way. I’ve had LOADS of “I can’t do this.”, “What was I thinking?” moments, but much worse than wanting to quit on myself is the talk that goes on in my head. What I’m realizing is that I judge my body. As long as I can remember I’ve loathed my thighs, my stomach, all the bits that I’ve thought were too jiggly. I had a revelation on Sunday when I was at a posing camp (think girls in heels struttin’ their stuff) and it shifted me.
When we were practicing our walk I watched everyone with a critical eye. I saw the look of pure confidence in some who didn’t have necessarily have the sickest bods and I could feel the insecurity in others who should have been workin’ it like the “10s” they are. It was clear to me that the former was the way I needed and wanted to be, not only to win on stage, but in life. If I was hating on myself then how could I possibly radiate that FIERCEness that I claim to own? The revelation was that from that day forward I’m all about loving my body…every single inch.
I received an email last week from my team, #theprogram, stating that in support of me and my show we would be working out shirtless…WTF?! Where the hell did this come from? I’ve NEVER in my 37 years worked out with no shirt and in front of these athletes…terrifying. I let this shock sit for a moment and then I realized what I always remember, that this experience was happening FOR me. HELLO, I’m going to be on stage in a teeny ‘kini, of course I need to be comfortable working out shirtless. It’s just another step in loving my body. We’re beginning this on June 11th, 30 days before my show. For the past week I’ve been dreading Thursday (the 11th), but at the gym today I had a moment of clarity… “I START NOW” is what popped in my head. I literally had a battle, no, yes, no, YES! The yes won and I whipped my shirt off. My last 30 minutes on the gauntlet this morning were FIERCE to say the least. I was climbing at a level 15 and burned more calories than I’ve ever burned in my 45 minutes thus far in my training. Way beyond my metrics there was a shift in my spirit, I realized that I CAN do whatever I focus my attention. From this day forward I will only allow positive body talk and I will radiate that for ALL around me. It’s time to be ATTRACTive and own my FIERCEness!
This is a GIANT thank you to every single one of you for stepping up for me and know that it’s for you too. I love you and hope you will will LOVE yourself a little harder today! #99
YOU ARE FIERCE!